Tuesday, December 31, 2013

31: Blog Challenge: Why Do You Blog


Asking me why I blog is like asking a normal person why they breathe. BECAUSE I NEED IT. Writing is my only outlet that I can use to express myself. It's the place I go to where I can let it all out and not feel the judgmental stares of everyone around me. It's the one place where I can be honest without having to censor myself.

Yes, feelings get hurt, and sometimes it can be completely anonymous, but the person still figures out it's about them and they get all butt-hurt about it, like it's my fault they were being a dick. I at least had the decency to not mention them by name, but if the shoe fits... *shrug* But the words are MINE, and if you don't like them...no one is forcing you to read them.

I blog for the same reason I journal. It's not because I want to say something, it's because I have something to say. No matter how trivial, how ridiculous, how banal any of it sounds, I need to say it. If there's someone out there who reads it, then so be it. I don't do this for anybody else. I do this for me.

Monday, December 30, 2013

30: Blog Challenge: What's In Your Make-Up Bag

Really? This is a question? Make-up. That's what's in my make-up bag.
[will edit later with picture.]

Sunday, December 29, 2013

But I Fumbled It When It Came Down to the Wire

The year is coming to a close. 2012 was pretty awful. I thought 2013 would be the year things got back on track. That wasn't the case; 2013 ended up to be worse. Now that 2014 is fast approaching, I am hoping, praying, that this will finally be the year things get better. I don't want another nail in the coffin.

I have many plans that are underway. I start classes next month to finish my degree. In April, it will be one year without any serious episodes. In June, it will be a year since my CPS case closed. Many changes are coming and I'm hoping I'm making the right decisions for the better.

With all that said, this will be my last public post. I will no longer be sharing my personal life online. While I'll still post the ridiculosity that is my children on Facebook, everything else is being kept private. I will be sharing my old journal entries from my stints in the psych ward for anyone who is interested. They will be posted at agrietada.blogspot.com on a daily basis. I'm hoping to raise more awareness for mental illness.

Anyway, I wish that everyone have a happy new year.

29: Blog Challenge: Where Have You Travelled

You know, even though I grew up military and later married military, I didn't go far.

I was born in Puerto Rico. We were stationed in Washington, Oklahoma, Texas and Hawaii. My ex and I were stationed in Nebraska and then crossed the border to Iowa. I've visited relatives in South Carolina, Alabama, and California, and I hope to eventually do so in Florida. One day I'd like to go overseas.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

28: Blog Challenge: What Are You Looking Forward To?

...An end to all this madness.

I just want everything to be stable again.

Friday, December 27, 2013

27: Blog Challenge: Post Your Favorite Recipe

Ha ha.

Yeah..... I don't cook. And when I do, I make it up as I go.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

26: Blog Challenge: An Old Photo Of You

This picture was taken in 1999/2000. I was in 8th grade, outside of the choir hall at Wheeler Intermediate School in Wheeler AFB, HI. I had ridiculously long hair and was super scrawny.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

25: Blog Challenge: Your 5 Favorite Blogs

Uh oh. I'm in trouble here.


I stopped actively reading blogs when I was homeless. Then that was followed by a mental breakdown. Then I stopped homeschooling my kids. I'll read the blogs of friends, though.

My friend Mary shares her awesomeness at Living a Sunshine Life
I do enjoy the neat tips from Laura over at I'm an OrgJunkie!

.....and that's all I got.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

24: Blog Challenge: Your Favorite Childhood Book

I had two. Corduroy by Don Freeman and Bedtime For Frances by Russell Hoban.

I got them both as books on tape when I was about 6. I could already read by then, but I would put them in a little walkman and listen to them when I went to sleep.

I had a little brown bear. I dressed him up in green overalls that I had made and named him Corduroy. I would pretend I was Lisa, and even arranged my room to look like hers in the book.

When I couldn't sleep, I'd listen to Bedtime For Frances, and when the book was finished, I'd try my own ABC song, like she had in her attempt to fall asleep.

To this day I still have those books, both of them, WITH THEIR TAPES. Yep. I'm a dork, but I got to share them with my kids. :)

Monday, December 23, 2013

23: Blog Challenge: Your Dream Job

While I've attempted to finish my BA in History and English, and had originally wanted to be a teacher of said subjects, I have ALWAYS wanted to own my own bookstore.

I mentioned this idea to my friend Diana once, in high school. We had drawn up a floor plan for our proposed bookstore/coffee shop/apartment. It was actually a pretty sweet layout. Then we married military men and went our separate ways. Le Sigh.

I still wish to one day have my own bookstore, specifically one that caters to alternative lifestyles and spiritual paths. Being Pagan, I want it to focus mostly on old remedies, and practices, while still being a comfy place to hang out as well.

One day, maybe when I'm old...

Sunday, December 22, 2013

22: Blog Challenge: The Best Thing To Happen This Year



Fine, I'll try and think of something...


I guess the best thing to happen to me this year would have to be that I'm pretty much on my own. I've never been on my own before. I've never paid my own bills, and I've always had someone taking care of me. Yes, I have a roommate, but I still pay my own way. Yes, I don't have a job, but I would if I could. I'm on disability, but without it, I'd be living with my mom. For once, I'm only dependant on me and only have to worry about ME.

That's a good thing, right?

Saturday, December 21, 2013

21: Blog Challenge: Your 10 Favorite Foods

Um... ALL OF THEM! I wouldn't be this large if I didn't love food. But seriously, now...

  1. My friend Danita's spaghetti and meatballs. She makes them from scratch and they are heaven and she has ruined me from any other meatballs forever.
  2. Ramen. I know I will eventually go into cardiac arrest from the amount of sodium in those bad boys, but I care not!
  3. Pancakes.
  4. Funyuns. I don't care if they make my breath smell like armpit, they are delicious and I will continue to eat them.
  5. Chocolate.
  6. Lemon pie. I don't care what kind of pie, just as long as it's a pie, and lemon.
  7. Buttery and sweet grits.
  8. My friend Brandy's homemade chicken and dumplings. Because I'm from Texas, that's why.
  9. My friend Mary's potatoes.
  10. Anything my sister makes.
I'm terrible at doing these.

Friday, December 20, 2013

2o: Blog Challenge: A Difficult Time In Your Life

Wow, let's see...a difficult time in my life...

At 27, I've had so many difficult times, I should have been institutionalized... Oh, wait, that was one of those difficult times. Honestly, I can't decide just one. My childhood sucked. My teen years sucked. My young adulthood sucked. I'm quite sure I'm still going through a quarter-life crises.

Currently, I'm in a difficult patch in my life. A year ago, CPS got involved in our lives, again, because of my mental health. In the end, I lost custody of my kids. While I only live 10 minutes away and I have them every weekend, I'm not allowed to be left unsupervised with them. It's a bunch of bullshit, if you ask me. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a fucking good mom. Yes, I wasn't healthy, but my children never went without...no matter what shit my ex says. He has the bad habit of exaggerating my illness and my failures.

I am a damn good mom and having my kids, for lack of better term, taken away has left me broken. It's been five months now and I'm still not used to it. I'm still angry. And I still wish I could punch CPS in their stupid faces. I just have to remember "one day at a time; one step at a time."

Thursday, December 19, 2013

19: Blog Challenge: What Do You Collect?

My sense of collecting is more like hoarding, so a lot of my "collections" have been donated in recent years and minimized due to space. The main things I like to keep are:

  • notebooks & journals
  • funky socks
  • purses
  • handwritten notes, cards & letters from friends and family
I refuse to touch my journals. Those are MINE, damn it.

My socks go through cycles, mostly because I love them so much that I wear holes in them, fix them, wear more holes, fix them, and then they finally fall apart and die. 

My old collection of purses was actually pretty impressive. I had all shapes, like bustiers and shoes, and sizes, ranging from a wristlet to a huge tote. Designs varied from sequins, to prints, to pictures. Some had decorative scarves or chains, and a lot came with matching accessories. Due to space, I donated 90% of my bags to the Salvation Army and kept the ones that were more suited to my lifestyle.

I've kept about 80% of all the handwritten letters and notes and cards that I have received since I was about 9 years old. The only reason why that is not 100% is that I either lost them in moves or left them in my pockets during laundry day.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

18: Blog Challenge: The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

If you're reading this on LiveJournal, my username is cyndi_lauper and the titles to both my blog and friends' page are lyrics from Cyndi Lauper's True Colors.

I absolutely adore Cyndi Lauper. When I was a child watching her perform on TV, I thought she was EPIC, and I still do. She has always stayed true to herself, and is beautiful, smart, and articulate, as well as super talented. To this day, she is still one of my role models, and I'm damn near 30 now. As for why lyrics from True Colors? Well, that's simple. The lyrics are the embodiment of being true to yourself, and that's something that I strive for every day. I never want to be fake. I never want to be a carbon copy of someone else. I always want to be ME, and be honest and happy with who I am.

Now, if you're reading this on Blogger, the title of the blog is Vonnieness (with the subheading still being lyrics from True Colors.) In high school, a couple of girl friends of mine added "ness" to the end of our names because not only was it fun to say, but it described who we were just by our names. I was Vonnieness, in both name and being, and they were Amberness, and Nessaness, and Wendyness. They were and still are their own essence, their unique embodiment of beautiful and wonderful.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

17: Blog Challenge: What Is Your Most Proud Moment?

My proudest moment was shortly after midnight on December 27, 2005. I had spent 17 hours in labor at the hospital and my baby was in distress. After an emergency cesarean, Lily was extracted with her umbilical cord wrapped tightly around her neck. It took a few minutes before they could get her breathing again and when I heard that baby finally cry, I knew she had made it. I was so proud of how strong that little girl was. Even at birth, she was feisty, only quieting down when I told her that everything was okay and that her mommy was there for her. Between December 26 and December 27, it was the most painful, exhilarating, terrifying, and powerful moment of my life.

Monday, December 16, 2013

16: Blog Challenge: What's At the Top of Your Bucket List?

You know, I don't actually have a bucket list. I guess one thing I'd really like to do is go to Europe or Japan or something overseas. I've never traveled any further than Puerto Rico in one direction and Hawaii in the other. It'd be nice to go somewhere new.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

15: Blog Challenge: Timeline of Your Day

This is how my days go when I have my kids for the weekend.

8am - wake-up, then fart around for an hour
9am - breakfast and check social media/email
10am - bookwork/lessons/reading/art
12pm - snack
1pm - continue learnings
2pm - lunch
3pm - watch educational children's shows for one hour
4pm - nap/quiet time
6pm - dinner
7pm - read/play/be silly
8pm - kid bath time
9pm - kid bedtime
10pm - once the children are asleep I either watch TV, fart around the internet, text-message people, write/edit, or go bug my mom. :D
12am - bathe
2am - bed

Saturday, December 14, 2013

14: Blog Challenge: If You Won the Lottery...

So, Texas lottery starts at about $12 million. If I won the lottery, I'd pay off all of my debts along with my ex-husband's (170K). I'd buy a decent house that my kids and I could all live in comfortably (100K). I'd replace the car and the van (70K). I'd probably give money to my mom and brother (20K). And definitely put money aside for all the children to go to college (640K). All of that, and I'd still have about $11,000,000 left. I'd probably remodel the house, because knowing me I'd buy something Victorian, and then buy a bunch of books, and then invest the rest. If I won this now, I'd even build my mom's church.

Maybe I'd get some plastic surgery done or something....that's still up in the air, though.

Friday, December 13, 2013

13: Blog Challenge: What is Your Earliest Memory?

When my mom was a single mom in the 80's, she had a nanny whom we called Mama Sol. While I can't remember her entire place, I do remember her couches, which were velvety, red, with black accents. She was my nanny until my mom remarried and moved to the states when I was about 3. That's my earliest memory for sure, but I don't actually remember detailed memories until I was about 5 or 6, living on post in Ft. Lewis, Washington.

Hash Out for 2014

  • January
    • finish editing NaNo13 novel
    • restart BA classes
    • discuss psychiatric treatment
    • begin transcribing old journal entries into computer
    • contact Social Security about living arrangement
  • February
    • send NaNo13 novel to publishers to start publishing process
    • finish previous writing projects
  • March
    • car paid in full!!
  • May
    • request break from classes
    • request reassessment of old CPS case
    • continue writing projects
  • June
    • if reassessment goes well, change child custody agreement.
    • take break from writing projects for summer vacation
  • September
    • continue writing projects
  • October
    • request break from classes for the month of November
    • begin NaNo14 outline
  • November
  • December
    • Edit/finish NaNo14
    • Wash
    • Rinse
    • Repeat

Thursday, December 12, 2013

12: Blog Challenge: What's Inside Your Fridge?

just the basics.

My roommate and I have a lot of nonperishables, so most of our food is in the cabinets. Our fridge looks so sad, but only two people use it.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

11: Blog Challenge: List 15 of Your Favorite Things

This blog challenge is full of lists, isn't it? Oh, well. I said I'd do it.

  1. My kids. They are awesome and hilarious. Never a dull moment with those four.
  2. Reading. I attempt to read 50 books every year.
  3. Writing. I participate in National Novel Writing Month every year
  4. Singing. Sometimes I sing about what I'm doing because I'm weird.
  5. Chocolate. Especially if it has mint, and super-especially if I'm on my period.
  6. Socks. Not the boring kind; I'm talking about they're so bright they hurt your eyes, or they're so cute you want to barf.
  7. Games. Specifically those that are not video games. Pull out some Clue or Magic the Gathering and I'm your girl, especially if you brought booze and pizza.
  8. Eating. Food is my life partner. If I could marry it, I would.
  9. Bags. I had an unbelievable purse/satchel collection that I (thankfully) cut down to just a few cute bags that go with everything. I had to get rid of them only because they took too much space and I had to learn to just let go.
  10. Stationary. Anything I can write or doodle on or with, I want it. Back-to-school shopping is a drug for me. I NEED all of those notebooks, pens, pencils, erasers, and planners and such. I have yet to learn to let go in that area.
  11. Acting like a dork. Laughter is the best medicine. Dressing up like an idiot and doing crazy things with my hair is a needed pastime. Also, drawing faces in my abdomen and making my belly-button talk.
  12. Religion. I like exploring my faith and the faith of others. I want to know what makes people do the things they do, what drives them spiritually.
  13. Rain. Not only is it soothing, but I like to run around in it. It's fun.
  14. Stalking people on social media. Yes. I know it's creepy, but I want to know what you are doing and how you are without you knowing I know.
  15. Pancakes. While not gross, my pancakes are just not as good as my mother's. Almost every time we come to my mom's, my kids and I request she make us pancakes because they are delicious.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

1o: Blog Challenge: What's Your Best Physical Feature?

My best feature? Believe it or not, this is a hard one for me.
I really like my eyes.
I have naturally pouty lips...which are great for kissing. ;)
But I'm told I have sexy legs.

So I don't know. I can't decide.

Monday, December 09, 2013

o9: Blog Challenge: What Are Your Worst Habits?

I have many bad habits, probably too many to list, so for now, I'll give you my top five.

  1. No matter whether I cover my mouth to be polite or not, I belch when I need to. I don't do small burps. You'd think I could, considering how small of a person I am, but it's almost physically impossible. My mom can't stand it when I belch, but hey, at least I cover my mouth at the table; it's not my fault it's so damn loud.
  2. I can't remember when I started, but I bite my nails. I've attempted to stop, with the longest period of time being two weeks, but it's a nervous habit. Also, I have an oral fixation, so every time I quit smoking it would get worse.
  3. I can't seem to quit smoking for longer than a year.
  4. I talk before I think, which usually gets me in trouble.
  5. I procrastinate like it's my job. So much to do, so little fucks to give.

Sunday, December 08, 2013

o8: Blog Challenge: What's In Your Handbag?

*** if you are viewing this in LJ, you will not be able to see the photos. To view them, please go to http://vonnieness.blogspot.com/ ***

Oh jeez, this is my purse: [click on images to enlarge]
My incredibly large purse

After dumping all my shit out
Everything labeled just for you

As to why I have so much in my bag:
Things break or get holes in them, or you need to break something. Hence the sewing, first-aid, pocket knife, and screwdrivers.
I travel a lot. I go back and forth from Austin to Killeen every weekend. I need to be able to not worry about whether or not I can take a shower or look nice where I'm at.
I stay at my ex's and my mom's a lot as well, which is why so many keys.

Saturday, December 07, 2013

o7: Blog Challenge: Your Pet Hates

I'm going to assume that by "pet hates" someone means pet peeves. Pet hates just sounds weird to me, that and I don't really hate anything. Oh, maybe pet loathes.....

  1. Talking to me while I'm watching my stories. I don't care if it's a movie or a show, either wait until it's over or when there's a damn commercial on. Unless you are on fire or someone is dying, shut up.
  2. Calling me every five minutes and never leaving a message. If it's seriously that important, leave a message. Obviously, I'm busy or else I would have answered and/or called you back by now.
  3. Uber-fans, especially fan girls. Okay. I get it. You really like this show, or this movie, or whatever. I know how that feels. I'm a big Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan, and Harry Potter could be my Bible. However, I don't have to talk about them every single day, lose my shit and squeal like an idiot when I see anything remotely related to them, or have to bring them into every other conversation and fantasy imaginable. Calm your panties.
  4. Fifty Shades of Grey. Yes. I can't stand anything related to this. My IQ dropped ten points after reading that crap. Stop bringing it up.
  5. People who argue they are right even after they realize they are wrong. It doesn't matter what the point was in the first place. Their only objective is to win the argument. Well, now my only objective is to punch you in the face.
  6. The fact that the Disney Channel seems to only have 5 shows they like to play over and over and over again. (OK, I know this is more of a complaint than a pet peeve, but I'm sure some other station does this, and if stations are doing this, STOP IT. It's not cute.)
  7. Drowning yourself in perfume/cologne. I need oxygen to breathe, not whatever the hell you're wearing.
  8. Telling me how fat I am. Because, you know, I don't own a mirror.
  9. Parents who let their children be little shits. This is why murders happen. Also, I get it. You may have a child who may have autism, ADHD/ADD or is mentally handicapped. However, I have a genius daughter who plots mayhem, a daughter with Asperger's, and two younger ones who like to bully you out of your food. It's hard, yes, but I try and keep them as sensible as possible to the best of my abilities. If you are just going to sit on your ass and pretend you didn't see your kid just hit mine, I'm going to walk past you and pretend my hand didn't just hit your face.
  10. People who use their children for attention. Stop suddenly making shit up just to one up someone else. Telling me your child has a food allergy a week after I mention my son's food allergy is stupid. Saying your child has a learning disability a week after your sister-in-law mentions her son has a learning disability is just as stupid. Taking your child to the ER every other week when his temperature is only 99.2 just so everyone can pity you is wasting everyone's time and causing your kid grief. Stop it. It's not cute, and I'm going to hit you. And don't get me started on parents who pit their children against each other in a divorce....Lord, Jesus!
I probably have more pet peeves, but these are the top ten, and in no particular order. I wonder what else bugs me....

Friday, December 06, 2013

o6: Blog Challenge: Your 5 Senses Right Now

  1. visual: the eye-candy that is "Supernatural"
  2. audio: the sultry voices of Jensen Ackles and Jared Padelecki. (what?! I'm aware I have a sickness)
  3. textile: laptop keys and mouse-pad
  4. savory: California sushi rolls. (YUM!)
  5. scent: fabric softener scent on my shirt

Thursday, December 05, 2013

o5: Blog Challenge: 10 Songs You Love Right Now

  1. Demi Lovato - Heart Attack
  2. Selena Gomez - Slow Down
  3. Bastille - Pompeii
  4. Daddy Yankee - Limbo
  5. Britney Spears - Work, Bitch
  6. Austin Mahone - What About Love
  7. Katy Perry - Roar
  8. Miley Cyrus - Wrecking Ball
  9. Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
  10. Sean Kingston - Fire Burning
Yeah, I know some of them are outdated. Don't care. This is pretty much my playlist right now. ;) It's my workout music.

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

o4: Blog Challenge: What Are You Afraid Of?

While my mental illness can be a terror at times, the thing I fear the most is losing my kids, permanently. I lost custody over my children after I divorced and CPS deemed me unsafe after my mental breakdown. I always fear that my medication will stop working and I'll severely relapse and that I would never be allowed to be near my kids ever again. It's the only thing that reminds me to take my medication every day; the one thing that keeps me going to my psychiatric appointments.

Tuesday, December 03, 2013

o3: Blog Challenge: Your Favorite Quote

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts, it is made up of our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him, as the wheel follows the foot of the ox that draws the carriage... If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him." --Buddha

I love this quote. It is a reminder that you are what you think. If you think positive, positivity will follow you. If you think negative, then negativity follows. Picture it in your mind and you can accomplish anything.

Monday, December 02, 2013

o2: Blog Challenge: 20 Facts About Yourself

  1. English is my second language. I speak and write it well. In elementary school I had to go through the ESL program up until 2nd grade, when they realized I spoke it better than most native-speakers. :D
  2. I started reading at the age of 4. I read in only Spanish until I was 6 and learned how to read in English.
  3. I love tattoos and piercings. With that said, I have 5 tattoos, all on my back, and 4 areas pierced: my ears (4 in right, 3 in left), my nose, my tongue, and one highly inappropriate area that is not to be mentioned within mixed company. :) My tattoos consist of Tinker Bell (for me), a butterfly (for my ex-husband), and three bouquets of the flowers my daughters were named after (Lily, Iris, Rose.) I plan to expand on my tattoos and piercings when fund as available.
  4. I can understand French and Portuguese when being spoken to me, though I can't speak them myself.  I can also read in Portuguese along with Spanish and English.
  5. I was born with curly dark blond hair that darkened when I hit puberty at the age of 8. My curls gave me the appearance of Shirley Temple.
  6. I never planned on having any children. As a child I hated children, yet I still ended up with four.
  7. I know a ridiculous amount of theological information on various religions. It is a hobby of mine.
  8. I love to write. I'm bad at it, but I do it anyway because it makes me happy.
  9. I am a visual learner. If I see it often enough, I will memorize the process and do it myself. That's how I learned to knit, cut hair, and do acrylic nails.
  10. I used to be a serious pothead. Most of my memories of my entire freshman year of high school and half of my sophomore year is a blur and very hazy.
  11. I dropped acid once in high school. I had such a bad trip I never did any drugs harder than marijuana ever again.
  12. I lost my virginity to the man I married. We were together for eleven years. Now that I'm single again, I have no idea what I'm doing.
  13. My mental illness scares me. I hear, see, feel, smell, and taste things that aren't there. The hallucinations can sometimes be so vivid, I can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. I have had this issue since I was 7 years-old, though I was diagnosed only a year ago.
  14. I love archery and know how to shoot with a bow.
  15. I'm a devout Pagan. My main practice is close to Wicca, though I incorporate Buddhist, Celtic, Tao, Hellenistic, Hindu, and Santeria beliefs.
  16. I love arts & crafts, though I don't do them often enough. I know how to sew, cross-stitch, crochet, knit, scrapbook, draw, and make things out of random objects most people throw away. I made a functioning Ouija board out of an old box, laminate paper, stencils, paint, bits of plastic, and a wooden dowel. Since I don't do them frequently, all of my crafts are mediocre at best. :-/
  17. I'm musically inclined. Not only can I read sheet music, but I sing exceptionally well, and can play a little of piano. I was told I have a great ear (I can easily figure out how to play a song just by listening to it) and know how to rock a mean tambourine.
  18. I procrastinate so much, I end up being lazy. If it's not going to kill me, what's the point of doing it now? That is, until I've put something off so long I'm in a panic trying to get it done because by then it has started to cause problems.
  19. I love keeping in touch with people. I'm still in contact with people from almost twenty years ago, and now with social media, it's become even easier.
  20. I used to homeschool my children like a boss. Unfortunately, due to a nervous breakdown, they now go to public school and I have no idea what to do with all my free time. I still have them do bookwork on the weekends.
Obviously, these are just a few facts about me. I'm more complicated than this, those sometimes I like to believe I'm not. Doing this list was actually difficult because I forget what a serious weirdo I am on occasion.

Sunday, December 01, 2013

o1: Blog Challenge: Introduction and Recent Photo

october 2013

HI EVERYONE! For those of you who don't know me, my name is Yvonne, though most everyone calls me Vonnie, and my family calls me something else entirely. :D I'm 27, Hispanic (Puerto Rican), a mom of four, and a Pagan.

I grew up military, so I moved around a lot, but I've lived in Texas for most of my childhood and call it home. Along with Texas, I've lived in Puerto Rico, Washington, Oklahoma, Hawaii, Nebraska, and Iowa. I've moved out of Texas and have come back twice.

Family means a lot to me, and I'm close to my mom, and super close to my sister. I have two brothers, one whom I don't know well due to us having different mothers and growing up apart, and the other who has been more of a dad to me when I had none. I have four children, three girls and a boy, and they are my world. While I only have custody of them on the weekends, I try and be with them as much as I can. I work very hard to be a good mom even though it can be very hard on me sometimes. Their dad and I divorced after eleven years together; we were high school sweethearts.

I can be very weird sometimes, to the point of hilarity. I love my friends who accept me for who I am, and who laugh at me for the crazy things I do. I wouldn't change it for the world.

I suffer from schizoaffective disorder. Technically, it is a combination of schizophrenia and bipolar mood disorder. Symptoms very from person to person, but for me, I have delusions and hallucinations that can make life very difficult and somewhat scary. It is triggered from moments of high stress and the symptoms can be so sever I can't differentiate reality from fantasy.

No matter what happens in my life I try and stay positive as best as I can. I'm a little messed up, and broken in places, but I accept me for me, and I'm okay with that. Sure, I try and be a better me every day, but I'm happy to work hard for me.

31-Day Blogging Challenge

OK. Now that NaNoWriMo is done and over with and I am alive, I decided to do this 31-day blogger challenge that I stole from my friend Cynthia. Feel free to steal it, too.

A new post will soon follow. :)