Saturday, January 27, 2007

Take this opportunity to ask questions about who I am, what I am, what I will be. I'll will most definitely answer.
  • My name is Yvonne
  • Almost everyone calls me Vonnie
  • I am 20 years old; 21 on June 2
  • I was born to Puerto Rican parents in Caguas, PR
  • I moved to the states when I was 3 and sound like an ever-day American
  • If it wasn't for my last name, no one would know I was Hispanic
  • I have serious mental issues
  • I was a victim of child abuse and sometimes relapse
  • I am currently a college student majoring in Information Technology - Web Development after dropping out of college in 2004
  • I enjoy reading; sometimes too much
  • I write short stories and am working on my second novel
  • I am a musician and thespian at heart but enjoy it more as a hobby than a career
  • I married my high-school sweetheart when I was 18
  • We've been married for 2 years, together for 5 in May.
  • My daughter was born the day after Christmas, 11 months and 1 day after I married.
  • I was a victim of domestic violence and lived with my mom from the time I was 4 months pregnant until my daughter was 8 months old.
  • I am very proud of my husband
  • I am a very nice person and easily entertainable
  • You hurt me or my daughter, pray to whatever God you believe in that I don't know where you live and that I can't reach you
  • I am a happily devout Pagan and will never convert
  • I am the daughter of an ordained Christian Pastor
  • I am a stay-at-home mom and a Mary Kay consultant; I suck at the latter
  • you can find me at four other LJs--hermi_jane for my Harry Potter role-play character, Hermione, cyndi_lauper my original journal that I started in 2001, which is now used for quotes, info, and stories, yortiz_maryk which was created to post information about my Mary Kay business, and lastly, but surely not least, ames_baby the story of my growing daughter, Lily.
I stole this idea from a friend. Some of you already know all this, some do not. Any other curious questions you may have I'll answer. I'm very open about my life (and far too trusting) but I don't really care. :)

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

This is how I feel today: aseguyrfgbhdbvfsdjbvfaljhl

I quite smoking about a week ago. It hasn't been hard or anything, just...odd. It's not like almost two years ago when I quit the first time. Then I had to because I was pregnant and I didn't want to hurt the baby; this was more of a whim. I'm usually a chain-smoker by habit, but as it started get butt-fucking cold outside I smoked less and less. (And I'd get sick more frequently due to standing out in the cold--genius.) So I just said fuck it, I'll quit. So far so good, I guess. When I was pregnant the smell of cigarette would give me cravings, now it just makes me queasy.

DISCLAIMER: T.M.I. WARNING: Skip the following paragraph if you don't want to know about my girl parts. If you really don't care, then drive through.

I've been very crabby lately. Highly irritated by the smallest things. I'm so cranky. I thought that maybe a good long nap would help, but no. I've just felt like being a mean ass. And me bleeding and cramping probably has something to do with it. Now you're probably thinking, "Oh, OK, it's just PMS." No, it's not. I finished my period days ago. My theory is that I just hurt myself or something during sex. It wouldn't be the first time. It's still a pain in my ass.

I'm getting sick again. My allergies are kicking my ass. I'm nauseated. On a good front, I've lost my appetite, which means I'm not over eating. We have no junk food in this house, we're very healthy eaters, so I don't have a junk food problem (unless you count peanut butter and jelly sandwiches being shared with my kid junk) I have an over-eating problem. No fun. No bueno. My stomach hurts. And I feel very hot.

I checked out a handful of books from the library yesterday. At least I'm keeping occupied. I like to read. :) Tomorrow is my two-year wedding anniversary. Since J has to work tonight and will be asleep tomorrow we exchanged gifts today I didn't get J anything as I don't have the money, so I made him a card out of construction paper and notecards. He bought me a fun little drawing tablet for the computer for my design stuff. :) Yay. I know you're jealous. ;)

Ugh. I think I should just go back to bed.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

This is just me complaining. Ignore and drive through.

I'm a fat lazy cow. All the weight that I lost before the holidays I gained back sometime in the last two months. I'm back up to 130 and noticebly so. At this point I will never reach my goal weight. True some people say, oh 130 isn't all that bad, but when you're only about 5 feet tall and have a very petite frame, it's a lot like taking Paris Hilton and adding 30 lbs. You'd notice.

I am more than likely flunking out of one or more (if not all) of my classes. I should be more concerned about this, but for some reason I'm not.

I feel like I've hit a slump. I'm depressed, but I try not show it or say anything. I was able to get some business done last night, so that was nice, but I still need to sell 300$ this week if I want to make ANY profit because of my status. I haven't been to church in while since I just haven't felt up to it and I'm just slacking in life.

EDIT: I double-checked to see if I was passing my courses...I only have three. I'm passing all of them, but I have a very low D in one of them.

Monday, January 08, 2007

I feel as if my brain is about to implode. If I think and stress out anymore, it may just happen.

J and I are hoping to move at the end of next month when the lease is up. He's been having a hard time finding a place that's affordable enough but has enough space. He pays a little over 450$ a month for this one bedroom; it's just not enough for the three of us. He's found a few places and tomorrow, before my business meeting, we have an appointment with the real estate agent to see what nice places we can afford to rent. He gave her a good price range and is willing to help. He found a decent 2-bedroom duplex that's only 420$, so here's hoping...

Finances have been pretty hectic lately. I have a 230$ medical bill that needs clearing, I have about 200$ worth in interest of money I loaned from VA when I was going to college in 2004, I need to pay 30$ to renew my Mary Kay website, and need a 400$ MK order by the end of this month to keep my consultant status active. To top it off I canceled Lily's Scholastic Baby Book Club because I couldn't keep up with the payments (Jeff/Geoff from Scholastic was kind enough to only have me pay half as my required membership time [32 books] was already completed) but I still have to pay them 20$ for the last set of books from before I moved back here. I also owe them 2 payments for the encyclopedia set I bought. The total is 453$, but the two payments only end up at about 25/26$. Still, this is money I do not have and I feel awful about it because I racked up this debt before I returned to J. He's the one who's paying everything off.

He's canceled his violin lessons so we could have money. I canceled my book club subscriptions so we could have money. We're selling our dining table so we can have money, and he's going to be selling a few other random things so we can have money. If I had anything to sell, I would, but all I own is junk.

I've asked him if it would be okay if I went and got a job somewhere. He doesn't want me to as my lack of experience wouldn't get me a decent job, and minimum wage wouldn't even begin to pay off my bills, especially if I had to put Lily in day care. That's why I had hoped that selling some Mary Kay would help out, even if just a little. Unfortunately that's damn near impossible when I can't leave the house without my child, and even if I could, I still don't have a driver's license. True, it's not impossible, but it's rather improbable at the moment. It's not like I haven't tried, either. *sigh*

I have homework due in a few hours and I have yet to start it. School has jest been... Well, it doesn't have the appeal it had before. I've been depressed and horribly nauseous most of the day. I feel like I'm falling apart at them seams but I have no thread left to fix me. I want to help out this family and keep it together financially, but I'm utterly useless. It's very disheartening.

Monday, January 01, 2007

My resolutions:
These are more like goals. Set small and steady goals throughout the year and you're a most likely to keep them. That's the one and only resolution I have for this year. Goals; I have plenty.

  • lose weight and get down to the size I was before I married. I've already lost the 15 pounds gained after the pregnancy, now I just need to lose the other fifteen or so pounds I gained when I started dating my husband. He knows that he is blamed for the excess rolls.
  • get good grades. I started classes last month and I intend to finish my AS in two years or less if at all possible. I can't do that if I'm slacking off. Must.Stay.Focused.
  • write religiously in my paper journal. I know I won't have time to post here in this online journal as, well, most of the time, it's too time consuming and I'm on the computer doing homework anyway. This will give my computer a break and will get me back in touch with my lonely diary.
  • write religiously in my Book of Shadows and other corresponding journals. I want to really focus in my path. I want to get back into my religious study and practice what I believe in. I've done well so far but after my dinky attempt of a ritual this past Yule (and I mean a candle, a tray, and a sheet of notebook paper with something scribbled on it last minute) I really need to work on that. I used to be very dedicated. I need to be very dedicated.
  • be a little less chaotic. This will take work, but you never know.
  • work harder on my Mary Kay business. Just because bastard people have no respect or decency for someone's hard work and dedication to create and put up fliers and feel the need to tear them apart or crumple them and leave them on the floor for everyone to see, doesn't mean I should back down. Shoulders back, head high, move on. Must.Stay. Focused.
  • take better care of self. This means cutting back on bad habits, like smoking. As much as I don't want to quit, I know I should. I need to eat right and sleep well. So far, I suck at both. Needs much improvement.
  • love self. Just because I'm uber busy with school, husband, and child, doesn't mean I should forget about myself. I need to remember that I need love, pampering, and attention just as much as everyone and everything else does.
Hope everyone has a memorable and remarkable 2007.