Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Now that the year is coming to a close, I have sat and pondered on this past year and all of my ups and downs.

At this time, one year ago, I was in the hospital, in labor, giving birth to my gorgeous little girl. She's so big now and such a spoiled brat. I just about cried this morning when I sang to her "Happy Birthday" while I was getting her out of her crib. I keep telling her to slow down, but I know that this just means more memories for me to keep and share with her.

I'm content with life. Not too long ago it felt as if my world had fallen apart and I was slowly picking up the peices and pasting them together. I had to work, take care of my kid, and try and figure out what to do with my life by myself. Now, I stay home, still take care of my kid, but I've returned to school and I have my old husband back.

I've become closer to my husband, and I've tried to better myself so as to better communicate with him. Yes, we still argue, and we still drive each other nuts, but it's different. Life's different. I still love him and he still loves me. We can talk things through and we know how to compromise. The stress we have is trying to provide for Lily, not trying to please each other on a regular basis. Yes, we need to make each other happy, but we also need to not bug the hell out of each other.

I've found that I'm a more reserved and spiritual person. I've been attending church every Sunday (Unitarian) and I've been attending Pagan gatherings with my community. I've begun writing again, and keeping track of my paper journal, writing about my religious views and practices as well as my problems or stresses and worries. I've also learned to just keep my big mouth shut as the whole world doesn't need to know my business.

All in all, I'm happy. I'm happier than I've ever been in a long time, and this new year is something I'm looking forward to. I am looking forward to the return of the Sun and to the return of happiness. I understand that things have a way of fixing themselves and I'm glad that things have turned out the way they have.

I hope that everyone has had wonderful holidays, whether it be Hannukah, Yule, Christmas or Kwanzaa. May many blessings reach you.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

I am overly stressed out.

Lily has been a handful all day, screaming about the littlest of things. The word no is like a stab in the thigh for her and she throws herself onto the floor and throws a very loud tantrum. Her ear-piercing complaints have left me with a throbbing headache that won't dissipate. I've been working on my schoolwork on and off throughout the week and I'm still behind. I have several assignments and a quiz due tomorrow and I doubt they will be entered in time. I was able to catch up in my programming class, but I still have other assignments that need turn in.

I am so exhausted. I passed out last night at around 7pm. I have been spacing out my assignments bit by bit so I won't become too whelmed, but I still end up being so. My church is sponsoring a "Parent's Night Out" by letting you drop of the children at the common room and nursery and leave them in their care for three hours. I asked J if he was up for it and in less than a second a simple response of "Hell yes" echoed in the kitchen. Tomorrow from 5 to 8, we will be baby free and can go out to the movies for a change. It's been a while.

Sunday evening my local CUUPS is holding a Yule ritual. I am contemplating on whether I should attend. I'm thinking against it and just doing a small (very small, as in minute) celebration of my own. Next Thursday I can always make it up as it will be the actual solstice and I will have all of my materials (finally!) in my possession.

We leave Monday morning for Texas. I'm going to be so glad to be taking a break. A bit apprehensive as this is the time of year where my family tends to argue the most, but still welcoming the much needed rest. My family is going through some rough times, but I'm hoping they won't drag me down. With my sister's impending divorce, and my brother's depression over his recent split from his long-term boyfriend, and my mother's financial troubles, I'm the only one who is happy in life. True, a bit on the "I'm ready to implode" part, but still quite content with what I have and what I'm doing.

I am looking forward to 9pm, when J gets back from his English class and Lily and I can go to sleep.