Friday, September 02, 2005

So, it's been a while...

I've been living with my mom for almost two months now. I'm nineteen, married and pregnant and now living alone back with my mother. It's rather embarrassing for me, really.

The baby's a girl. I went for my 24 week check up on Monday and it's official. I'm very excited about this and I can't wait for Lily to arrive. I don't know, maybe I've just watched too many episodes of Gilmore Girls that I've been brainwashed, but I hope to have a good relationship with my daughter. I want her to be articulate, literate, smart, talented, special. Something I am, but am not very good at. I don't want what I have with my mother. I love her, yes, but I can't stand her the majority of the time, and as much as I don't like doing it, I avoid her as much as possible.

I don't know if I'll get divorced, or if I'll stayed married. The legal offices informed me that J will be discharged soon, and my only concern right now is health insurance for the baby, especially now since it's about $8,000 to deliver a healthy baby without any complications, and frankly, I don't have that kind of money. I don't have any money. I was supposed to be working by now but that fell through. Paul said he would give me a secretary job at his work and that he'd call me that Tuesday when he was hiring. That was almost three weeks ago and no word whatsoever. I've tried to contact him and he has yet to return a single phone call. So I'm upset, disappointed, and must earn money some other way since I'm quite sure my husband isn't going to send me any financial support any time soon. I've resorted to applications at Wendy's and Dollar General, and to Hobby Lobby and Walmart soon. I really don't want to, especially since it's hard for a woman in her sixth month of pregnancy to find a job nowadays.

On a different note, I've filled out and sent applications for scholarships and school. I've been reaccepted to TSU for the 2006 spring semester (I just need to pay my $25 application fee with money I don't have), and I still have to send in my essay for a few scholarship applications. I feel worn out with it, but it doesn't really matter. I need to pay all these things (application fee, $100 housing fee, $24 for a driver's test so I can finally get my liscence) and I have no way of doing so. I have about $12.43 in my bank account, and no job. But I digress.

It's raining here. I feel worth/hopeless. There's not much for me to do now but wait.