Monday, May 30, 2016


I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I thought once I had my ovary removed I'd be doing better. Turns out that one of the cysts on my ovary was actually endometrial tissue implanted. Long story short, I have endometriosis, which is no surprise to me. It explains all the issues I've had with heavy bleeding and excruciating pain. Unfortunately, it seems I have more issues.

I went to the ER twice in one week due to pain. I have two kidney stones in one kidney, and one large one in the other. I know I passed an extra one about a week or two ago thanks to the ridiculous pain and bleeding from my urethra. On top of that, it seems I have IBS and my bowel movements have fluctuated from one extreme to another, never finding something normal in between. It's horribly uncomfortable and painful. So, now I've been bouncing around between my PCP, OBGYN, GI, and urologist. I'm so thankful I have medicaid as insurance. I couldn't imagine the astronomical medical bills I'd have by now. Thank you, government funding.

My mental health hasn't been that great, either. I've had several episodes since December. They're pretty frequent, and range anywhere between regular anxiety over nothing to hallucinating and hiding in my room while in tears. It's frustrating. My psychiatrist added more medication in hopes that it would help. I'm not happy about it. I went from one pill a day to several. I have one for the anxiety, one for the moods, one for the psychosis, one as a boost for the others, and one for insomnia. The changes to the meds are pretty recent, about a few weeks, so I'm just waiting to see how this goes. I hate being used as a guinea pig for this shit. I just want to give up.

Besides my health, everything else is OK. My program director at my school has been helping me out and understanding, so I should be able to graduate in time even though I have missed way too much school. I should have been done with the cosmetology program back in April, but missed a lot of school due to my health, mental, physical, or both.

I hope things will get better soon. I don't want to spend another year struggling to function. I'm tired. I just want to give up on life, but know I have to keep on trucking even though I'm so tired.

There's so much more I want to talk about, about friends and family I want to vent about, but I just don't have the energy. My own personal problems are enough.