Tuesday, April 26, 2011


OK, so before I forget, last week was our monthly weigh in. I haven't lost any weight, I am still at 143lbs, but I have been gaining muscle and losing inches! I lost an inch in my chest, arms, hips, and calves. Gained an inch in my thighs, but I think that's where most of the muscle is going to as I've been doing a lot of jogging. And the best part for me? I lost TWO INCHES IN MAI WAIST. This is fantastic! I've been sick the past few days so I didn't go to the gym, but I've had so much more stamina, and I have this love/hate relationship with my trainer, so I know he's doing a great job, especially with the results I'm getting.

I hope to be in the 130s by July. I'm stuck at 143, yes, but again, my thighs are full of awesome now. I've been doing squats every day for the past week. I used to not do them at all! Today I ran six laps around the gym. I actually RAN. (Usually I walk/jog for an hour) I hated every minute of it and felt like I was dying, but it was totally worth it. I was able to add that cardio to my regular strength training, which included squats, lifts, crunches, and curls, intermittenly. Tonight, I think I'm going to jump on our stationary bike and do my homework while pedaling. Being distracted really helps in staying with the exercise.

In other news....

I've been VERY depressed the past week or so. I could chalk it up to the fact that I've been sick, but I know it's much more than that. I've just been so stressed and worried about our future and everything that it entails, my mind can't process. The good thing, though, is that Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so my brain has stopped being stupid. It's a lot easier for me to express myself these past couple of days.
I had to have a talk with Lily about this. She has been a terror the past month or so, and it has a lot to do with how I've been treating her. She is a lot more senstive than I realized and I had to sit down with her and explain to her that I really do love her, it's just that I have a lot of going on in my head that makes me forget to tell her and show her just how much. So she and I made a deal. Whenever she feels neglected, she needs to tell me, so that we can spend a bit of one-on-one. It goes both ways. I will now tell her when I am feeling "very sad" so that we can hug it out. I know it sounds super cliché and almost kitschy, but it's the only solution I have that works for us. She and I are very physical people and sometimes we just want to be held.


I am so incredibly broke. I just checked my bank account to see if I could pay my trash bill, which is 45$, and I found that I only $7.38 *sigh* I'm going to go crawl into a small hole now. Well, it could be worse.

Monday, April 25, 2011


After reminiscing with my husband, I miss my sexual encounters with females... Don't get me wrong, I very much love my husband, but sometimes I wish he had tits. He would make a very attractive girl. I know this as fact. He likes to wear my dresses and play with my make-up when he is bored and wants a laugh from the girls. I do his hair (I am his hairdresser.) I actually think that's the main reason why I find him physically attractive; he's androgynous in appearance.

I needs female sexual healing. <3

Friday, April 22, 2011

If it's not one thing, it's another

I don't know what I'm going to do. I received an email earlier today from my financial advisor telling me that I owe my school $1075 and that I need to pay it up-front. The problem is that I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY, and if I don't pay, my account will be put on hold and I can't continue my classes. If I don't continue my classes, VA won't send me money. You know, the money I've been using to pay BILLS. I tried to explain this to her, but she informed me that the VA benefits were for education and that I should have used them for that. She's letting me finish my current class, but I don't know how I'm going to find money to pay this off. I'm already broke as it is. The end of the school year is nigh and I'm not going to be called any time soon. I think tomorrow I'm going to have to go to the gas station and beg for a job. Seriously. Or start a "help Vonnie go to school" fund. *sigh* If it's not one thing, it's another.

I haven't told J yer, mostly because I'm embarassed. I'm ashamed that I failed these two classes. I wouldn't have been owing my school this much if I hadn't failed one of my history and on of my english classes. Everything else I have passed, but being married to Mr. 4.0 is a little hard when you have to own up about that. He knows I failed my history class, but not about the English one. He also knew I owed the school 750 from the History class, but not that it's gone up significantly since. I just don't know what to do. I wish I could ask my mom if I could borrow a grand, but that's not fair to her. I'd eventually pay her back, yes, but still.

I feel like I'm falling apart.

Saturday, April 16, 2011


FYI. I would just like to state, that if you read any recent posts by me, whether here or on FB, and they seem incoherent and just downright stranger than usual, it's probably because I am drunk, high, or both.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011


So it's settled...
Next week I'm getting a couple of girl friends to join me in helping me clean and pack up the house. I have about a good month or two before I need to get the major stuff taken care of. We leave for Texas with most of our stuff at the end of May and will be there for the last two weeks of that month. (15-28)

I'm torn on how I'm supposed to feel about this. Sometimes I'm super psyched, other times, I'm so bummed it's hard for me not to burst into tears.