Wednesday, October 30, 2013

My Getting-Ready-for-a-Date Process

  1. Jump in shower and scrub head to foot like scraping off layers of dirt even though took a shower the day before.
  2. Brush teeth in middle of conditioning hair.
  3. Shave like about to be a pin-up for Hustler magazine.
  4. Get out of shower and lotion every inch of body, including face.
  5. Attack body with deodorant, perfume, and baby powder, because even though so fresh and so clean, stress sweat has already started fucking shit up.
  6. Make sure eyebrows are properly plucked; cuss at tweezers.
  7. Make sure no facial hair is above upper lip; cuss even louder at tweezers
  8. Bend upside-down and blow-dry hair into curly mess.
  9. Once dry, separate hair into sections, and straighten the fuck out of it.
  10. Put serum in hair so that it doesn't look like just fried the hell out of it.
  11. Fight with "sexy" underwear.
  12. Fight with pants.
  13. Stand in front of mirror with hair tied back in headband and ponytail with no shirt on and dig through entire make-up bag.
  14. MAKE-UP TIME: Put on foundation and concealer, fill in eyebrows, put on four different kinds of eyeshadow in special technique, place eyeliner in a way that doesn't make like a racoon, add mascara, put on lip-liner, add two shades of lipstick for a specific shade, top off with lip gloss, cover everything in powder to keep everything in place.
  15. Find a shirt, blouse, top, SOMETHING! to keep the sweater puppies from not popping out and the muffin top from not showing.
  16. Accessorize! (includes shoes)
  17. Fuss in front of mirror.
  18. Blog in panic. ;)

And they say getting ready is no big deal...... I'm pooped, but really excited. We hashed out most of the details last week, so we'll be going to dinner at Brio's Tuscan Grille and then a movie at the Regal Arbor 8. I want to avoid romantic-themed movies, like Enough Said, Austenland, and Romeo & Juliet, so I'm thinking of sticking to the suspense-thriller We Are What We Are. Not sure. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. I just have to keep reminding myself I got this. I GOT THIS.
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