Here We Go Again

When it rains, it pours. *sigh*

Well, due to irreconcilable differences, my sister kicked my husband out of her house yesterday afternoon. Things had become hectic at her house due to the stress and she believes he is verbally abusive to me and our daughters. Considering I have been with this man for the past ten years and *know* when he is being abusive, my husband is just a dick, especially now when stress and tension is high. No one seems to believe me when I say I know my husband better than they do. *facepalm*

And yes, he has been a major dick to me and to the girls a lot lately. He realizes this; we talk every night, something no one else sees as we do it in private, but I apparently don't "see the problem" because I'm on the "inside". The way we raise our daughters is also an issue, yet when asked to call CPS if she truly believes we are neglegent in any way with our children, my sister told him to get out. She tried to emphasize to me that she wasn't kicking me or the girls out, but even Lily explained to my sister that we were leaving together. She can kick whomever she wishes out of her house, but I'm not keeping my husband away from his daughters.

Needless to say, I'm not going to just sit back and not stand behind my husband, so we all packed our things and are staying at his father's house. The girls and I are staying in their little 4yo cousin's room and my husband on the couch. We're cramped, but it will have to do. Rose and Iris think it's another fun sleep over. Lily, however, broke my stepmom-in-law's heart yesterday when she asked her if there was going to be any fighting here, too. Knowing how much this is damaging my children hurts so much. I wish I could make all this hurt and pain and insecurity go away.

My brother tried to convince us to stay at his house for now while he and his dad stayed at my mom's and sister's respectively, but we refused. He then suggested my mom's house, as they had been working on the large guest room to make it ready for us anyway, but we also refused. It's not that we don't appreciate their help, it's just that we are tired of CONSTANTLY being judged. We are judge for our religious prefrences, we are judged for our parenting and schooling choices, we are judged on how we handle our situation, we are judged for everything. A person can only please so many people, and the ones who are the most important, no one seems to realize how all this judgment of thier parents hurts them.

I am very, very depressed. As well as very stressed out. So much so that I was admitted to the hospital yesterday afternoon to check and monitor the baby (I'm now 37 weeks.) I'm in incredible amounts of pain, not to mention I am already considered high risk due to 3 prior c-sections. Dorian and my uterus both seem to be okay but I don't know how I'm going to be holding up. I am horribly exhausted both emotionally and physically and I worry about how much this affects my unborn son.

I'm having a very hard time staying positive. We have yet to hear back from public housing and probably won't hear from them for a while. J has had nothing but rejections from his job-search attempts. I don't know how much more of this I can handle in the next two weeks. Dorian will be here by the 7th. I just don't know how long I can hold on.