Monday, January 08, 2007

I feel as if my brain is about to implode. If I think and stress out anymore, it may just happen.

J and I are hoping to move at the end of next month when the lease is up. He's been having a hard time finding a place that's affordable enough but has enough space. He pays a little over 450$ a month for this one bedroom; it's just not enough for the three of us. He's found a few places and tomorrow, before my business meeting, we have an appointment with the real estate agent to see what nice places we can afford to rent. He gave her a good price range and is willing to help. He found a decent 2-bedroom duplex that's only 420$, so here's hoping...

Finances have been pretty hectic lately. I have a 230$ medical bill that needs clearing, I have about 200$ worth in interest of money I loaned from VA when I was going to college in 2004, I need to pay 30$ to renew my Mary Kay website, and need a 400$ MK order by the end of this month to keep my consultant status active. To top it off I canceled Lily's Scholastic Baby Book Club because I couldn't keep up with the payments (Jeff/Geoff from Scholastic was kind enough to only have me pay half as my required membership time [32 books] was already completed) but I still have to pay them 20$ for the last set of books from before I moved back here. I also owe them 2 payments for the encyclopedia set I bought. The total is 453$, but the two payments only end up at about 25/26$. Still, this is money I do not have and I feel awful about it because I racked up this debt before I returned to J. He's the one who's paying everything off.

He's canceled his violin lessons so we could have money. I canceled my book club subscriptions so we could have money. We're selling our dining table so we can have money, and he's going to be selling a few other random things so we can have money. If I had anything to sell, I would, but all I own is junk.

I've asked him if it would be okay if I went and got a job somewhere. He doesn't want me to as my lack of experience wouldn't get me a decent job, and minimum wage wouldn't even begin to pay off my bills, especially if I had to put Lily in day care. That's why I had hoped that selling some Mary Kay would help out, even if just a little. Unfortunately that's damn near impossible when I can't leave the house without my child, and even if I could, I still don't have a driver's license. True, it's not impossible, but it's rather improbable at the moment. It's not like I haven't tried, either. *sigh*

I have homework due in a few hours and I have yet to start it. School has jest been... Well, it doesn't have the appeal it had before. I've been depressed and horribly nauseous most of the day. I feel like I'm falling apart at them seams but I have no thread left to fix me. I want to help out this family and keep it together financially, but I'm utterly useless. It's very disheartening.
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