Friday, June 29, 2001

A True Insomniac

Man, I woke at noon...YESTERDAY AFTERNOON!!! i have not gone to sleep yet. I am exhausted, depressed, and I'm sick to my stomache. I haven't had a good night's sleep in like forever. I don't think I'll ever get better. I just keep getting worse. And nothing's really helping me...

I can't sleep, I barely eat, and I keep on losing and gaining weight. I'm alright on weight and stuff, but mentally, I'm just not all there...I need help, I just don't know how to ask for it...

Slowly, I feel as if I'm killing myself. But first starting mentally...like screw up my mind first and then work from the inside out...I'm not afraid of death, or suicide...i've tried it before and I'm not afraid to do it again...

It's just that feeling of emptiness...that feeling that you somehow can't fix, and that hole that no one can repair but yourself, but you just don't know how.

My house is freezing and My body's burning up, and I'm about to throw up. I put a smile on my face every day so no one can see my pain, but it's still there...I'm afraid...

Afraid that I will never be able to excape my little black hole...
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