Friday, January 14, 2011

Last Resort

Next Thursday it will 7 months since my husband was laid off. We are struggling and it is becoming frustating. I am depressed. I have pushed away from my family, prefering being on the computer where no real interaction has to occur, keeping my distance from my husband and my children. I have very little skills. The skills I do have are not enough to get me a job that pays more than minimum wage. I have three small children, a mortgage, and a car loan to pay off. My husband and I are both going to school, and even though the girls have state medical insurance and we are on Food Stamps and WIC, my husband and I do not have medical insurance. I currently have bronchitis. I feel like shit and it hurts to breathe. I'm sick of not being able to buy what I need, making sacrifices so that my children don't notice the rammifications of their father being unemployed and their mother not being able to make enough to take care of them.

I'm at a crossroads. I've decided to lose some weight (just a few pounds, I'm not past the limit) and get better. I can't live like this anymore; WE can't live like this anymore. We are in so much debt, not because we have been frivoulous, on the contrary, we are extremely frugal, but because we are young, with children, and have many bills to pay. My husband has excellent skills, and yet he still can't get a job. He can't go back into the military because he was kicked out. The idea of the military was the last resort, and that's where I come in. I'm, for the most part, healthy. I can join. I wish to be a part of something that my children can look up to me for. I'm horribly useless in this house in this state. We need the money, we need the benefits, and J would be able to stay home with the children just like he always wanted and I get to take care of them financially just like I always wanted. It's a win-win in my head. Am I delusional?

If I am able to join, I'm not sure, due to the constant popping of my knees and the fact that I'm FAT ;), I hope to become clergy. I love the idea of it, and technically am through the Hosannah Bible Institute, but I would like to help people in a spiritual sense. (I suck at helping with anything else.) I'm actually pretty jazzed about the idea. I'd miss my family terribly for two whole months, but I'd get in shape and get paid and be able to take care of my family, which is extremely important to me. I have my fingers crossed. I'll be calling a recruiter Tuesday.
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