So new people have begun reading this blog and I feel it is time to let everyone new know some stuff about myself. (Or remind anybody who may have forgotten) :D

My name is Yvonne Ortiz Ames. I usually go by Vonnie (from my name), but am also known as Cyndi (from my obsession admiration) or Luna (from my religious path). Only a select few call me the last two. I am 22 yrs old, born 2 Jun 1986 and am Hispanic by birth. I was born in Puerto Rico but was raised in the states and am bilingual (English is my SECOND language, Spanish is my FIRST). I married my high school sweetheart 3 yrs ago (25 Jan 2005) and have two wonderful daughters named Lily [26 Dec 2005] & Iris [26 Oct 2007]. I'm naming my daughters after flowers. The general consensus is I'm a bit weird.

My mother is incredibly religious. She is a nondenominational Christian pastor and very devout. She has had a history of mental illness that I, unfortunately, have also. My step-father was a douche. He was controlling and abusive and molested me from the ages of 9 to 12 and I still hold a bit of anger toward that. He committed suicide when I was 13. I'm okay now, and know it was not my fault, but it has caused many problems with intimacy and trust. My biological father was non-existent in my childhood and only now am I getting to know him.

My husband and I are both total idiots. I love him to pieces and he's actually very bright, but he's done some serious harm in the past. I have done the same, if not more. We almost lost a lot of our lives because we didn't know how to communicate and instead would throw punches. After a lot of drama and dilemma, we came to realize that family is important no matter what and that our children deserve the best. He is currently one of the most awesome men I know (Jaz, your husband is another) and he spoils my daughters and I rotten. I've been spoiled so much that I don't even remember what parenting was like when I was separated. He's a nerd and is into comics, computers and video games. I am not and am into theology, Harry Potter, and blogging. We are the epitome of opposites attract and have absolutely nothing in common. We love each other a lot, but don't necessarily get along or like each other much. ;)

I'm a very devout Pagan, Wiccan to be exact. I practice regularly and am finding different ways to incorporate my beliefs in my daily life. My husband is atheist and doesn't really care what I believe as long as it makes me happy. We are not raising our children in any specific religious setting. We have several religious texts in the house. They will choose when they are old enough. For now I take them to my mother's church so they can go see their Abuela and let them tag along to any coven meets if they want to come with Mommy.

I'm jack of all trades and master of none, so I'm pretty useless. I can't cook to save my life. I hate to do chores and rarely keep up with the cleaning. And I quit college because I hate being tied down. I'm surprised I've stayed married. I'm someone who has to constantly keep moving. So the fact that I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere with no way to go anywhere because I have panic attacks behind the wheel and rely on my husband for transportation makes me a little mental.

I have a very musical background. I've been singing since the age of two, my grandmother was a vocalist, my uncle is a musician, and while growing up, as a family we would get together a couple of times a month and sing songs from my culture. I tried to learn piano but my attention span is next to nothing so I only know a little bit. And my guitar skills are worse. (Though I can play a really kick-ass tambourine) I can read sheet music, but that's about it. I'm a vocalist more than anything, and I love to sing to my girls. They love to be sung to and at night, when they are tired and upset, it is the only thing that will calm them. I had the opportunity to really make something out of myself through music when I was a bit younger, but I turned it down and her I am instead.

My health is not so great. As a teen I had an eating disorder (E.D. - non-specified), did drugs (marijuana & acid), drank, and smoked. After meeting J and feeling comfortable in my body, I was able to overcome my body image issues. After high school I got away from the bad crowd and no longer did drugs. After a bad experience with Everclear at a Frat party I lost my taste for alcohol. And after having to have my gallbladder removed because I was sick for half a year I decided to quit smoking. I had tried multiple times (I did not smoke during my pregnancies) but this time I really stuck with it. Because I did not take care of myself for so many years it has come to royally bite me in the ass. I have a bad hip, a bad back, grey hair, and get sick very easily. My joints hurt when it's too humid, sunlight gives me a headache and too much heat makes me dizzy. I'm currently working to get my health back.

I don't have much going on in my life right now. This is about as up to date as it will get. I'm hoping to audition for an Irish Punk band tomorrow and we'll see how that goes. And now I'm off. I need to do dishes.




If you would like to know more about me or have any questions or anything, feel free to ask; my life is an open book. I have no secrets and I regret nothing. :)

So I promised an entry about my surgery...
...and I totally forgot. So her it goes, from the beginning.

Around August of last year, I started getting sick. I thought it was just some morning sickness due to the pregnancy, so I ignored it. I couldn't eat anything too greasy, or anything that would make me bloat, so when J had made some sweet potatoes with greens and pork and beans, I spent most of that night vomiting and then some. Everything was coming out of both ends. But since I was pregnant at the time, I didn't think twice about it.

Around December/Christmas, it happened again. This time, I was very scared. I had thrown up so much that I had started vomiting blood. I felt terrible, and I felt even worse because I was in the bathroom so much I couldn't nurse Iris, so I had my brother-in-law give her a bottle. I called the Emergency Room and spoke to the on call doctor. He said not to worry, I was too young for an ulcer and it was probably that I ate something my body didn't like.

Two months later, and I'm still sick. J thinks it's my diet. So I change it and nothing helps. I go to the doctor and he says I have hemorrhoids, so I get meds and take care of that. I'm still miserable, but J thinks I'm being a drama queen and a hypochondriac and that it's still just my diet. He thinks I'm making myself throw up. I just wanted to punch him.

Fast forward to June, four months later. I am sick on my birthday vomiting for hours. Later in the week, I am sick again and vomit all night. J thinks it's because we are on vacation and I've been eating junk. I am on the phone with my friend Meg and she mentions my gallbladder. Her brother is a vet and her mother is a nurse. I tell myself to go see a doctor as soon as we get back.

When we get home from vacation it gets worse. I am vomiting every day. I cannot eat. I changed my diet to a liquid diet just so I could survive the days. I am miserable, in pain, I have vomiting and diarrhea so bad that I end up bleeding and it feels like a I have a ping-pong ball wedge underneath my right ribcage. Meg mentions my gallbladder again. I look it up and mention it to J. He thinks I'm being over dramatic and that I'm self-diagnosing. So I go to the doctor and he prescribes me some pain medicine and some anti-nausea medicine as well. I stay with the liquid diet because I am nursing and I cannot take phenegran when breastfeeding.

Of course, as you know, I end up needing surgery and while in surgery they find a gallstone the thickness of my pinky lodged in one of the gallbladder's ducts. J looked at the picture in surprise and said "It looks like trying to shove a tennis ball through a garden hose."You'll see what he meant if you go to the previous post and check out the picture.

And, as you also know, the surgery went fantastically, and I feel great. My surgeon was awesome, my doctor is awesome, and my nurse (who oddly enough is my doctor's wife) was beyond awesome. I hated being in that hospital. I hate hospitals. But I needed to get better. I missed my girls. I hadn't realized just how much of my entertainment comes from them until I was stuck in the hospital and didn't want to be there.

I'm healed completely. It was just a couple of incisions that they used to stick the camera in and use the tools to cut out my gallbladder, sew up my insides, and pull the gallbladder through a tube. Its amazing what doctors can do.

Had gallbladder surgery two weeks ago. This is a picture of my gallstone.

I'm going to stop going to the doctor. Even for follow-ups. Every time I go to the hospital, they find something new wrong with me. I went for my first follow-up after the surgery and they found I have an UTI. So, yay...more pills. :\

Also I find it amusing when both my cat and my 8-mth-old find my skirt very entertaining.

I want to thank all of you who kept me in your thoughts. I appreciate all the positive energies and prayers that were sent my way.

I was blessed to have such awesome surgeon, doctor, and nurses. The procedure was only an hour long, I was out today, and now the healing can begin.

It was worse than anticipated. They actually found a stone in one of my gallbladder ducts. Using my husband's analogy when he saw the picture they took, "It looks like pushing a tennis ball through a garden hose". But now it's out and I'm no longer in pain or suffering. I'm sore and tender from the surgery, but it went well, and I am feeling good.

Again, thanks so much for the positive thoughts.

I will post a more indepth post about the surgery, including some photos, tomorrow. Right now, I'm just going to hang out with my family and rest. :)

So I just got off the phone with my doctor. He wants me to check into the hospital tonight and prep me for surgery tomorrow morning. It's a very simple procedure that will have me out by Saturday.

I am currently so scared I keep struggling to not cry. I know it will be okay, but that doesn't make the thought any less frightening.

It's official. I have to have surgery. My gallbladder is inflamed and has been the cause of my pain, suffering, and discomfort. The walls have thicken to a point where it is not releasing the bile when it needs to. I have another doctor appointment tomorrow to talk further with my doctor as well as meet my surgeon.

Thank you for all your prayers and positive energy. It has been very much appreciated.

My doctor believes I have a dysfunction in my gallbladder as well as colitis. (If the two are related, I don't know.) Now for my gallbladder, we do not know what it is, but will have an u/s done soon to know. If i have gallstones or sludge I will need surgery to have it removed. I will also be having a CT Scan for my colon.



I was hoping for IBS, but instead I got this.

Thanks so much for the positive energies and prayers. They are truly appreciated. Knowing that helps me stay positive. And thankfully my husband is coping with it with jokes, which make the idea a little easier to bear.

Today, I am going to the doctor. For the past six months I have been getting sick. It has progressively gotten worse, especially within this month, and has escalated to a point where I have been in excruciating pain with vomiting and/or diarrhea for hours for the past few days. I'm afraid I may have a gall stone and that if I am right will need surgery to remove my gallbladder. I will be going to the doctor this morning to make sure. Please keep me in your prayers. I hate doctors and hospitals because of a fear that was rooted in my childhood. Whatever the outcome, your prayers are appreciated.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all my mommy friends who have step/children, are going to have step/children, or only have furry children. Just because you have kids doesn't make you a mom. Your good heart and nurturing ways do. So even if you've only been nurturing to your dog, this is your day, too.

With that said I did a ritual honoring my mother, my nanny, my MIL, and Earth. I thought it would be fun to have the girls do it with me, too.

I got this ritual a year or two ago from a friend. Well, let's say it's been redone with a bit of toddler flare.

My computer died. That is crap-tastic. Thankfully, J had bought another computer with a Linux OS about 6 mths ago for his birthday so we have a back up. And fantastically, I got into the habit of saving all of my files onto the external hard-drive so I don't have to mourn the loss of anything. Also, my laptop sucks and is about as useful for computer work as a regular notebook. Srsly.

J and I got new glasses today, which is nice. The lenses were god-awfully priced, but they are pretty and we have optical insurance. I now have a nice pair of sexy-librarian glasses that are scratch and glare resistant and have a warranty so that if one of my children get a hold of it and destroy it, I can replace it for free. Fingers crossed that it never happens. :D

My engagement-wedding band set was resized. They were two sizes too big and now they fit my tiny little fingers. I forgot just how small my hands are. Damn things are tiny. I got them a bit larger so when I swell in the heat they don't get stuck. Still, they are smaller than a 6. :P

My children are doing well. Iris is growing so fast. She's not as big as her sister was, only in the 50th percentile for everything, but she is growing steadily and healthy. Breastfeeding has been going well and strong. My goal was to reach 6 months, and it has passed and I'm still going. I start working on giving her solids this week. She can't keep cereal down, but her pediatrician said it was okay to start her on some peas or squash, etc. Lily is a chatter-box. She loves to talk to me, but pretty much tells her father to fuck off. I'm having a few discipline problems with her (okay, a few is an understatement) but I am working on it. She's a smart kid and a sweetheart, but she has her mother's attitude and her father's temper. *sigh* I just have to get control again. I somehow lost it somewhere; just have to find it.

Been mostly working with the girls. Lily can now count to 10, sing her ABCs, identify all the letters in upper and lower-case, identify the numbers 1-10, sing mixed up renditions of Twinkle, Twinkle, and Old McDonald, and lots of other stuff. She's no genius baby, but she is ahead of the game. Right now we are working on writing lines since most of her letters are just straight lines. Vertical lines she has, horizontal are a bit of a challenge, and diagonal, well, we'll cross that bridge later.

Iris is now low-crawling. She moves around mostly with her elbows, but does try to use her knees. She gets up on all fours, rocks, face-plants, and then won't try again for another hour. She prefers the low-crawl approach better. She's also a chatter-box. Always babbling about something, especially to get my attention.

I'm getting my driving permit on the 23rd. The Iowa Manual has practice test after every section, and after doing all of the reviews, I only missed a total of 1. :) I think I'm set and ready to go. I can't parallel park worth shit, so I won't be taking the driving test until I can, but at least this is something and will give me the opportunity to practice.

I will be getting LOTS of driving practice a week after the test. We are going to visit family in Texas for a couple of weeks and leave the 30. (I'll be there for my birthday--yay!) I offered to help J drive the way there in out new Chevy Aveo so that he won't be too tired. It's going to be a long trip indeed. I can't find someone to sit for my dog, so Missy is going to tag along. An infant, a toddler, and a dog in the back seat...trust me, this will be interesting.

I am still working on my minister's license through my mother's church. Right now, since I now have internet, I am helping out with some of her paperwork as her secretary. She needs a ton of things translated, and I seem to be the only one she can rely on. I don't mind; she's paying me. :) I can't wait for her to see the babies.

Also, I am FINALLY about to do my online Runes Class at Touch of Enchantment Institute. I haven't uploaded the lessons yet as something is wrong with my handle, but it's getting there.

I am currently sick with a cold. I think that just about covers it....

I FINALLY HAVE THE INTERNETS!!!
J hooked it up today at around 5. We got a real good deal from Qwest.

Me: *sitting on couch signing a card*
J: "Who'd you buy a card for?"
Me: "Sweetie, what's today?"
J: "The 25th."
Me: "And when did we get married?"
J: "... the...25th..." *sheepish grin*
Me: *eye roll*
J: *throws hands up* "Happy Anniversary! I guess."
Me: *give kiss and card* "Happy Anniversary"


...The dork. LOL.

1. I still don't have internet. I am still going to the library, just so you know. We just can't afford these luxeries. :D
2. Anyway, my new business is this:

I am currently making and selling aromatherapy pillows. Each pillow is made from cotton and pre-washed before sending. Each pillow contains 4 different herbs carefully selected for a specific aroma and purpose. I currently have 5 themes available and can make any certain theme that I have not yet created at your request. I am selling them at $13 dollars each. This covers the cost of fabric, stuffing, and herbs. There is also a $4 shipping and handling fee. If you would like me to make one, please choose one of the following themes, or you could ask me to make a specific theme for your specific need. Also, please let me be aware if you have any allergies to any herbs.

I currently have:
sleep/relaxation,
stress/tension relief,
sensuality,
trying to convieve,
and luck with money.

Give me a call if you would like to place an order as I cannot gaurantee checking my e-mail at a timely manner.

On another note, my kids and I are alive and well. :)

I hope everyone who celebrates it has a wonderful and safe Christmas. For everyone else I hope you had a wonderful Yule or Hannukah or whatever. :)

I do not have internet ans I broke the laptops. Yes, more than one. I'm using my MILs for tonight.

Went and saw Sweeney Todd with J ... and NO BABIES. They stayed home with Grandma and Uncle Joe. I pumped milk a couple of weeks ago so I was able to have a free night out. It was amusing to me when I had to pump during the movie.

Um, thats it. We're doing Christmas dinner today and yesterday we opened presents. :)

Happy Holidays.

1. I do not have internet.
2. I have a new cellphone number. :)
3. Happy Holidays!

Recorded b/c Jaz is a nosy bitch. ;) LOL

Today is J's 24th birthday. He bought himself a new computer. :) He is much pleased. You should go wish him a happy birthday.

I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving yesterday. We do not celebrate Thanksgiving unless we are down with relatives, so J caught some z's and Lily and I had chili dogs while I also fed Iris.

Things have settled pretty well here. I'm terribly sleep-deprived for the most part and the house is a mess, but it's normal. You clean and five minutes later a two-year-old human version of a torando comes through and fucks shit up. *sigh* Got to love that kid, though.

I had to reschedule the appointment for the preconception consultation to a Monday. :( J's days off (though he hasn't hasd one since he went back to work) are now on the actual weekends, but the latest appointment they had on a Friday was 10:30 in the morning. Not happening. I'm hardley out of bed by that time since that's when Iris eats and regardless, it's 40 minute drive to the hospital. J is home by 9. Not gonna happen. Oh well, at least it's schedule and at least we'll go when the time comes.

It's very quiet here and that's odd. J is already asleep, Lily is busy messing with her zipper and Iris is staring off into space...

When polar bears attack:

So apparently we are not going to wait until January to see what a specialist says. J thinks it's too much of a risk to have any more children.
*sigh* This having no more children thing has me horribly depressed. I have been crying on and off since Monday.