I. Am. Tired.
I didn't realize how exhausting cosmetology school would be until I spent most of my time on my feet 8 hours a day, five days a week. I'm getting used to it, but it's beginning to affect my legs. There are times my calves and leg nerves ache so much I can't sleep. Sure, I'm having fun cutting, styling, and coloring hair, as well as learning new techniques, but, Jesus, my legs are killing me. That's my life Tuesday through Saturday from 9 to 5 with an hour lunch and two smoke breaks.
I'm on a diet. All the weight that I lost last year (by accident) I gained back living here with my mom. My mom likes to constantly remind me that I'm overweight, but then she feeds me like I've never seen food before and complains if I don't eat what she's served me. *facepalm* Thankfully, she's been giving me space on this because she knows I really do need to lose this weight. I can't bend over well, I get winded tying my shoes, my fat cuts off the circulation to my right leg when I sit, and I can't get my pants from last year to go past my thighs. Oh, did I mention if I fall asleep on my back I damn near suffocate myself to death? Yes, lots of joys. /sarcasm So I'm on a diet and regularly exercising to try and tone up and lose some of this extra baggage. I'm not asking for a bikini body, I just want to be able to tie my shoes.
With the busy schedule I have, I've only been able to see the kids every Sunday. I'm not complaining, but it still sucks. At least J is branching out. He's made a friend at work and they've had a couple of playdates with her toddler. I think that's great. He's also taking the girls to a kids' robotics group that he found nearby. I'm super excited and I'm not even going. LOL. I'm just happy that the kids are doing nerd things. I hope it keeps up. I want them to be able to learn (which, what they already know makes me feel dumb sometimes LOL) and then branch out. They can do engineering, network administrating, programming.....*squee* OK, I'm done now.
I'll be honest. I'm lonely sometimes. I would love a relationship with someone (male or female, I'm not picky) but I know it's not the right time. I know I have a lot of things I need to work on before I am even ready. It still sucks, though, but I'm glad that's the only hitch in my life. Sure, I live at home with my mom and only see my kids once a week, but my ECT treatments are almost over, I've been stable for 10 months, and I'm kicking ass in school. Things are going well for me and I have to remember, one step at a time. I have my goals and I'm focused and working. One day at a time.