Monday, January 25, 2010

First Real Post of the Year

Today is my 5 year wedding anniversary. How will it be spent? Probably sleeping. Man, we are some party animals.

J and I have known each other since I was 14 years old. We didnt' like each other when we first met, and didn't become friends until about a year and a half after we had first met. We started dating about another six months after that on May 21, 2002. We were married a month after I moved in with him when he was still stationed at Offutt AFB, NE. Five years later...well, we're here.

I love my husband dearly, though sometimes I feel he doesn't give me enough credit for what I do with the girls, he's always been a good provider. And though a lot of times, we argue, we haven't reverted to what we were in the beginning of our marriage. We have gone through so much together over the years, and even though we get on one another's nerves 90% of the time, he's always helped me when I needed it the most.

Lately I've felt like punching him in the face, but it's because I'm stressed and frustrated. I've started my portfolio for Lily in homeschooling. I won't really need it for another year, but when she is finally compulsory age, I will be able to show where we are educationally and developmentally. It takes a lot of patience and focus to teach a child, and it's a lot harder to separate 'school' from 'home' when both are done in the same place by the same people. J and I have been butting heads on what is required, what should be done, and how it should be done. I'm tired and frustrated, and we've both been coming off as assholes.

I'm exhausted. The only time I have for myself is when they children are asleep. Homeschooling takes a good couple of hours every day. Lily loses focus frequently and Iris would rather go play than practice tracing. Add a screaming infant who is an attention whore, and you have my day. I must be crazy to be doing this, but I know what works best for my children and the public school system doesn't provide what they need. They are advanced. Lily, who just turned 4 last month, is at a Kindergarten level in some areas and 1st grade in others, while Iris, who is 2, is already at a Pre-K/Kinder level herself. It takes all I have to keep them occupied.

I've been pretty bummed since I left Texas. I miss my family. I miss being around people my age on a semi-regular basis. I've just been spending the last few hours of my "day" watching episodes of Farscape on Netflix instant view. I had started a diet this year, since I am 20 pounds overweight, but have stopped because I just don't care enough to keep it up. I'm just so tired of life right now; I want to give up.
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