Sunday, October 02, 2005

I'm slowly losing sanity. This is not a figure of speech. I wake up in the middle of the night sobbing and talk to people who aren't there. I've been hallucinating, and what bothers me the most is that I know it is not real, but my body doesn't respond to that sense of logic. I need to go back into therapy. I had stopped because it was still difficult to get everything out. I thought I had begun to heal, but about a week ago the preosecuting attourney called me and after speaking to her, I burst into tears once I hung up the phone.

This just keeps getting harder and harder as the time progresses. I'm not too worried about it. Since I haven't spoken to J in the past month or two, I have stayed focus on my goals. I have already been accepted back at TSU, I have already sent out applications to scholarship funds, as well as one provided by the school, and I have also contacted child care centers for infants. I'm nervous and excited and scared. I keep praying that all goes as planned.

J will be discharged from the military. No one knows when, but he will be. He has also started to pay alimony. I'm depressed and sick with sinusitis. I am constantly exhausted and I hope that this feeling will go away soon. I just want December to come. Everything has become too much to bear.
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