Thursday, September 04, 2008

I just feel like typing right now.

Ever have the feeling of writing or typing up something but never know what to write about? i have that problem often. It's like never-ending writer's block. I keep an online journal, I keep a paper journal, and I doodle a ton, but I just can't seem to keep thoughts in one place or put creatove thought on paper. My fingers tingle and itch to type keys or grab a pencil or pen and once my hand hits keyboard or paper...nothing. My mind turns up a total blank.

Right now I'm just typing what comes to mind...a bit like a stream of conciousness. I haven't done poetry like that in a while. I prefer slam poetry though. It's a lot more fun. I haven't done that in a while, either. I haven't really written much in the past coupld of years. Just been busy with other things. Creatively speaking, I've been in a sort of funk.

I want to get a bit of extra cash so I can help out financially. I want to turn my life around and do my part financially. No one wants to hire me here, but that is only because I have very little work experience. J doesn't want me working because he thinks the girls are still too young for me to leave them with a sitter on a daily basis. Even then, we can't afford a sitter or child care. We'd actually be worse off if I did find a job and put them in child care. It's so fucking expensive. I've applied at several places in town, but still nothing. I'm willing to not spend any time with my husband so that I can work; trade off on days where he works Sunday through Wednesday and I could work Thursday through Sunday, or something along those lines. But he still thinks it's a bad idea. He really doesn't want me working, but I feel like I should be bringing in something. Anything. I've been wracking my brain for things I could possibly do out of the home for a little extra money, but like I've said previously, I am jack of all trades master of none—mediocre with everything at best. The only passion I have is my faith, so unless I can get paid for being spiritual, I got nothing. ;)

I feel so out of it lately. Even when I'm working with Lily, I space out. Right now I'm sure it's just me being sick, but I don't really know. My health is so fucked up right now, but I am working to get it back on track.

Sometimes I wish I could just sleep forever
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