Saturday, October 13, 2007

The Last 20 Years

20 years ago: 1987- I am a year old and the cutest thing in Puerto Rico. ;) Seriously, I can only remember the color of my Nanny's furniture. (Red and black, velvet) My parents (who were not married) separate and all custody is given to my mom. The next year my mom marries.

15 years ago: 1992- 6 years old, living in WA, just learned English a year or two earlier. Get my 1st grade teacher fired at the end of the year because she is the Devil and treated her class like hell. I was the only one who spoke up. The next year I no longer need to go to ESL (English as a Second Language)

10 years ago: 1997- 11 years old. Moved to TX two years prior. Started middle school, started my menstrual cycle for the first time the month of (20 days after) my birthday. Am DEVASTATED about the fact that I'm a girl (I was the only one of my female friends who had a period, and also the only one who thought this was the worse thing that could have happened to me). LOL. Have been an abuse victim for two years, will continue for a year more. Move to HI two years later.

5 years ago: 2002- Moved back to TX two years prior after step-dad commits suicide. Am in High School, 16 years old, Grandmother dies, am an emotional wreck, get out of Choir and ROTC b/c I needed time to heal from my Mami's (what we called our Grandmother) death, get into theatre and computers, meet my future husband and just know I will be with him "4Eva", continue to be an emotional wreck addicted to pills, drugs, and cutting herself, suffering from anorexia. Can't handle the fact that J has joined the military and will not be living in my house anymore.

Today: 2007- Am married, 21, living in a small town in Iowa with our own house and a toddler with a baby due in a week and a half. Have a dog, lots of hobbies, and read too much. Am quite content with the way life has turned out and haven't been this content...ever. I am finally who I want to be (sort of.) I'm at a place where spiritually, I know this is me. I've accepted that without any of the things I had gone through in the past, I would not be here, I would not be who I am, and I would not be as knowledgeable about the world. I have many life lessons that my daughters can use as examples and I now understand that to really be free, you just have to finally let go of the anger and all the hurt. Long process. VERY long process.
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