Thursday, July 19, 2007

I have been stressed out lately.

I'm not quite sure why. I've woken up every morning wih my jaw aching and my teeth feeling as if they were digging into my gums, which means I've been clenching them in my sleep. If I had a mouth gaurd, I would use it. I know J is stressed as well. He's been grinding his.

I think I may just be over-analyzing things. I keep worrying about what is going to happen when Iris is born. I know she's healthy (I'm miserable), but little things have started to sink in and I don't know if I can handle it when she's here. I had the help of family and friends when I had Lily, I'll be alone (for the most part) with Iris, along with Missy (dog) and Lily running around like a maniac.

I want so many things to get done. I have to do them, obviously. Just chores of mine that I have been putting off for months, like the towering pile of dishes in the sink, and the mess of clothing in the basement. My husband tackled the clothing, but refuses to wash the dishes as that is one of my jobs. I want to organize all the baby clothing that I have packed away in boxes. It's a big giant mess and I need to separate them into sizes like I did before Lily was born. I haven't even taken her dresser (plastic) upstairs so she can have drawers for her cloths instead of me putting her shorts, pyjamas and socks on a shelf. I just finished folding up the mountain of clean laundry that was sitting in our room last night, but haven't even begun folding up Lily's. Everytime I finish one thing, or am nearly finished, I get exhausted and need a break or a nap. I'm constantly tired. These chidlren are sucking out the life from me right now...

I'm making blankets as gifts for friends. (Draco, your blanket will be late! Sorry!) I also have to finish Lily's curtains, which I have been mad at forever, and I've only done one panel. J thinks it's a very simple task. "How hard is it to pin up two large squares of fabric and sew them together?" If it's that easy, you fucking do it. You have to make sure the thread tension is right, you have the right thread, you have the right amount of pressure on the pedal, and that your hand doesn't slip. Also have to make sure the fabric stays in place because even though it is pinned doesn't mean it won't bunch up in areas. When sewing a new project, if it's not one thing, it's another. I have spent, during every project, at least a half hour correcting a problem. It's frustrating. Sewing is not as easy is it looks. I don't care if I have sewn for a long time. I'm not a fucking pro.

I just want to sleep forever.
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