a good friend of mine has been in the ICU for the past few days; he had a heart-attack.
i owe over 3000$ in medical debt.
our water heater busted last night; just split open.
j is still unemployed.
i haven't been called to work in a month.
i feel like my world is falling apart.
i have not had a restful night's sleep in a long time.
the love for my children and my faith is what's keeping me sane.
i'm tired of people calling me over their PETTY drama. i'm on the verge of bankruptcy and being homeless; i don't care about their same-shit-different-day bullshit.
i think i'm going to have me a few days of silence for internal contemplation.
i don't want to be here. it's time to regroup.

Purge. Breathe.

So, since I plan to join the military, I need to get rid of a lot of things for whenever we leave her and get stationed somewhere. Even if that plan falls through, we will end up filing for bankruptcy and leaving anyway. I need to figure out homes for the pets, but that won't be for a short while. Right now I just have too much crap in this house.

I don't plan on having any more children any time soon. I've been actively tracking my menstrual cycle online and have made sure that I am careful at all times. Becoming pregnant would be pretty counter-productive at this point. Since I have so much baby stuff saved up from my three children, I will purge what is no longer in use. Rose is currently in 24 mth clothing. Anything from 0-18 months is going to my friend Rei. She just had a baby girl a couple of weeks ago and hasn't stocked up on girl clothes, which I have PLENTY of. I'm giving a bath to my neighbors along with any clothes that are relatively boyish. After I'm done with all of that I have to sort through the ridiculous amount of toys we have and get rid of them. I hope to have been rid of 5 large black garbage bags full of toys. Maybe I can give some to my friends' babies?

So much to do. So little time. I just bought new clothes to do Yoga in for tomorrow. I hope I make it. I need to wake up early if I want to have everything done in time.

Goals

These are goals that I am trying to achieve. Each has a listed time frame and what I am doing to achieve said goal.

• Lose 40lbs (withiin 6 months)

I recently joined a gym at the end of January. It's only been a week and I've lost 3 lbs. If I keep this up, I should lose the amount needed. I've been using sparkpeople.com to track my exercises and food intake. So far so good.

• Join the military (in 6 months)

I have stopped going to counseling to make this happen. I have to be out of it for at least 6 months. Come August, it will be almost 7 months.

• Get a BA degree in History and English (since 2010--4 years)

I go to Ashford and so far have 21 or so credits. I should graduate within the next 3 years. I will have attended AU for a year next month.

• Get a MA in Theology (from 2014--2 years)

[see above]

• Become military clergy (after 6 years)

The guidelines to become clergy in the military are as so: you need to be an officer. To have officer rank, you need a BA or BS. To become clergy you need at least 2 years of religious leadership experience (which I do) and an MA in Theology. [see above]

• Clean and organize my entire house (within 3 months)

My house is a WRECK. I've been doing the little rooms first to work my way up. OH MY GOSH WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH SHIT.